Rebuilding

Got to the game field in Woodbury around 7:20. I was scheduled to meet with the girls at 7:30PM. The plan was to talk to them as a full group (we were missing some players yesterday), and then talk to some of the girls individually prior to the 8:30PM game.

The MTA Executive Board was convening at 9PM in St Paul to discuss the situation and come to a consensus on disciplinary actions. I wanted to be able to address all of them directly, but everyone was supportive of me needing to be with the team at the game tonight. In speaking with one of the members this afternoon, it was decided that I'd be conferenced in around 9:20PM to say anything that I had to say. I prepped my team via an email that if they saw me on the phone early in the second half, they'd know that I was taking an important call.

All the girls were there on time save for Bam Bam. Her mom emailed me earlier to inform me that Bam Bam had been in for xrays and her arm was fractured. Bummer, but I had an inclination that it might be the case. The girl would tackle a mack truck if it had the ball and is absolutely fearless in her aggression on the field. Just that she asked to come out of the game on Sunday should have been enough indication that something was really wrong. When the tournament medic told me Bam Bam had a lot of pain, knowing her high pain threshold, there was definitely something wrong.

My talk with them went well, though it was all over the board. I had set points that I wanted to address and believe I hit all of them, but many of the girls had questions after every sentence I completed, and those questions led to other questions by other girls, sometimes follow up questions not even remotely related to the initial sentence I had completed or to the idea I was trying to get across. It was like corralling 15 cats to keep the girls on topic, but I think my main points got across.

In no particular order...

1. I made a decision that I believed was a good one at the time
2. I now know it was not the right decision
3. I apologized to them for taking the outcome of the game out of their (the players) hands, players who had worked their butts off for 90 minutes competing with a team that most people said they couldn't compete with.
4. I apologized to them for robbing them of a tremendous victory or a memorable, but genuine defeat
5. I apologized to the four girls (Babes, Quicksy, Mal, and Vivi) for making them step up and look foolish in front of hundreds of people when they rolled their kicks to the U13 GK
6. I apologized to Normy (GK) for making her feel alone as the only girl supposed to being trying
7. I apologized for using th "b" word in frustration after the game
8. I apologized to them for risking the loss of their coach due to possible sanctions by the club or state organization
9. I apologized for putting the well being of the club in front of the well being of the girls and in front of the well being of the game itself.

I'd like to think these points sank in.

I also talked to them about the importance of accepting responsibility for your own actions, and how this acknowledgment and acceptance can make you feel very good about yourself, better than you've almost ever felt, and allow you to walk with your head held high even after you've made a poor choice. 

I told them I may lose my job as an MTA Director, or MTA or the state soccer association my pull me from coaching this team.  I saw Phi Phi get teary-eyed at this.  Man, breaks my heart.  But because I've come to peace with my actions and taken responsibility for them, it makes living with any coming punishment extremely bearable.

I tell the girls all the time about their play on the field - You're going to make mistakes.  Everyone does.  I don't care about the mistakes.  I care about how you react after the mistakes.  They threw that back in my face.  Wow.  They actually do listen to me sometimes when I'm talking.

Lastly, I talked about honoring th game itself and the spirit of competition.  I've been involved with this sport for 31 years.  "31 years?!?!  You're ooollllldddddd!"  I know.  Thanks Gizmo.

Much of this is from the Positive Coaching Alliance stuff that I've read. 

Soccer has a deep rooted history full of tradition and it's the most widely played sport in the entire world.  The game is bigger than us, bigger than our team, bigger than our club.  We need to honor the game, and part of honoring the game is honoring our opponents.  We honor our opponents by playing our hardest and trying to win the game fairly.  In this way, our opponents are assured of getting our best game, and assured of being challenged to give their best.

My decision didn't honor the spirit of the game, nor do any justice to our opponents. 

All in all, very positive talk.  Some of the girls were very emotional, others seemed completely fine and oblivious to it all.  I've said it before, this experience will make us a stronger team unit down the road.

* * * * *

League Game #1 vs Sibley Sting

As you can imagine, I wasn't too focused on the game itself tonight, but I did think it was crucial that they girls had a positive soccer experience after Sunday's game and the sobering pre-game talk tonight.

Came out in a 4-3-3 looking to press the attack.  Girls were put in some "new" positions from the start, with some girls who had seen a lot of attacking play in the last few games in the back tonight, defenders up top, wide players in the middle, central players out wide. 

Vivi played GK as she had twisted her ankle helping mom with a fundraiser yesterday.  Yes, she hurt her ankle because she didn't come to soccer practice. 

Beautiful night for some soccer.

Game started, we played in their end a lot.  9 minutes in, I heard a weird sound, and...

Perfect. 

As I scrambled to find the contact info (obviously after I scrambled to find my camera) for the city parks and rec supervisor (who has a daughter in our club), the girls from both teams took full advantage of the "unfortunate" situation.

Eventually made contact with someone and the sprinklers were turned off.  The Sibley girls had been quick to run through the spraying water with their coach, so we snapped a quick pic with both soaked teams prior to commencing the game. 

Guarantee the girls won't remember the score tonight in the coming years.  They will remember the night though.

As the ref called the girls back to the field, I pulled a few of our stronger shooters together and suggested they look for longer range shooting opportunities in the coming few minutes.  Low and hard shots will cause trouble on the wet ground.  I sat back down on the bench to tell the 5 girls there what I had just told some of our players on the field, and that they (the girls on the bench) should watch for it.

Every once in a while, a coaching point like this that I make magically comes to fruition and I look really, really intelligent in the eyes of a 12 year old.

3 minutes after the re-start of the game, it happened.  For Sibley.

A long shot from distance skipped right under a surprised Vivi and into the back of our net. 

"Like that Dorky?" came a voice from somewhere down the bench.  Yep.  Just like that.

It was just after 9PM when my phone rang.  The girls on the bench, knowing that I was going to be involved with an important phone call for a few minutes, looked worried.  Worried!

I excused myself to talk to the MTA Executive Board, and wandered away to the nearby pavilion to say my peace (or is it say my piece?). 

As I was on the phone, glanced over at the game in time to see a rocket of a shot fly into the Sibley net.  Nice.  1-1. 

Back to the bench and a few minutes later B-Money (CM) volleyed home a shot from about 16 yards out.  Nice.  Just what we worked on yesterday at training.  Another coaching moment for the girls next to me.

Half ended 2-1. 

B-Money (CM) scored on another long range strike in the first minute of the second half, and Cal (RM) took a great feed from B 2 minutes later and hammered the ball home far post from the right side of the goal. 

We continued to press with the wind at our backs, but the game ended 4-1. 

It was a good night, and I know I'll sleep better knowing that the girls are well on their way forward, and my relationships with them, instead of being weakened, will be stronger than ever.