Of Rationale, Responsibility, and Regret
Monday, May 18, 2009 at 09:26AM 
State Cup Semifinals vs MTA 96 Elite Blue
Finally, a beautiful day for soccer! Sunny, warm, slight breeze.
Left my house at 12:30PM for the 2PM game versus our U13 Blue team. Halfway to Lakeland I went through a mental check to make sure I had everything. Sunscreen? Check. Notebook? Check. Camera? Check. Player passes? Player passes?!?!? Has anyone seen our player passes?
Vaguely remember the ref handing them to my assistant coach Mark Goulding yesterday after the game, so called up JoJo (his wife and my team manager) to verify that she had them. She didn't, and verified with her husband that he handed them to me after the ref handed them to him.
Oh crap. I've been known to space out and misplace these passes in previous years. Pulled over and took my car apart looking for them. No luck. Checked the pockets of the 3 different jackets in my car - my car is a moving closet due to our lovely MN spring weather. No luck. Called the wife at home and her and the her parents (over for the weekend) tore apart my home office. No luck.
I turned around to head home to look myself. Halfway back home, I pulled over again, knowing that I would never bring the passes inside with me. Under the seats. No luck. In my soccer bag? No luck. But I did find an old sucker. Yes!
One more time through my jacket pockets. Success! Swear I checked that pocket already.
Called my worried team manager back to put her mind at ease, and headed out to the fields. Fun start.
* * * * *
Our game was scheduled on Field #21. We'd been on #22 for all the games up until this point, and it was a decent field. Field #21 was OK, but really rough with dried dirt strips down the center of the south end of the field. We'd try to defend this side first, maybe blunting the 13's attack a bit.
Though we faced a team that was stronger than us overall, I didn't change our team formation. If this was an absolutely crucial game for us, I would have given some serious consideration to playing a more defensive 4-5-1 formation. Defend like demons, frustrate the older team, and look for a counter attack goal.
But, though the 13s are capable of lighting us up on any given day, my girls are battlers. I believed if they played up to their potential we'd give the 13s a run for their money and keep the game close.
So, I kept the girls in a 4-4-2. Our 4-3-3 would have likely left us out numbered and exposed in midfield, with three girls standing up front useless a great majority of the time as it would have been difficult for us to get them the ball.
What was the game plan? Very similar to what I said above. Defend like demons - close the ball down, pressure the older players into making hasty decisions, double team players whenever possible, and work hard to block shots and crosses. Be confident in our attack when we have the ball, show me composure on the ball, enjoy the game and the day.
I contemplated playing Meg in goal. As one of our taller girls, she had a better chance than many in stopping some long, high shots from distance. I talked to her about it right away at the fields, and to her credit, she accepted the challenge. However, after seeing her complete uncomfortability in net (she hasn't played there a lot), I realized that the game would be a complete baptism by fire for her and I couldn't put her through that.
My thought was then to put either Vivi or Em in goal. Normy is our best GK at this time, but she had played the entire Prior Lake game in goal yesterday, though I had promised to try and take her out in the second half. She loves playing on the field. I decided to talk to her anyway and leave the decision up to her. I told her that I realize she played the whole game yesterday and we were out of our GK rotation a bit, but she said she really didn't care if she played, even after I stressed that it didn't matter to me if she didn't and I'd put someone else in. She thought about it for a few seconds, then said she'd play the first half... much to Meg's relief I'm sure. I prepped Vivi and Em that one of them would go into goal in the second half.
We had Babes back today from her cruise. She had missed our last 3 State Cup games, but showed up today tan and excited to contribute. We missed her scoring punch in the last 3 games, but the 15 girls we had got the job done in group play.
We got the half we wanted to defend (the more patchy and bumpy half), and I settled down with a bag of giant sunflower seeds and a Sobe to enjoy the afternoon.
As expected, the 13s controlled much of the early going. We were pinned in our half early on, managing a foray or two into the attacking half, with no real threat at goal though.
Our defenders, usually unsung heroes and not mentioned much in my writings as I try and document our goals for my reference, deserve mention now if they ever did. Normy (GK), Mal (CB), Phi Phi (CB), Meg (RD), Cal (RD), Gizmo (LD), Quicksy (LD), Bam Bam (LD) all played well. The 13s have some real fast and skillful attackers, but our girls didn't back down an inch. There were one or two scrambles in our own box, but the fight and grit the girls showed to swarm the ball, sacrifice their bodies and fly all over the ball to block shots, and clear the danger was fantastic.
The girls in midfield (Bargsy, Bam Bam, B-Money, Babes, Quicksy, Gia, Vivi, Em, Cal, and Payt) did a terrific job overall in terms of double teaming the ball when needed and harrying the opposing midfielders and forwards.
The 13s first clear chance came 22 minutes in as the ball fell to Ruby about 10 yards from goal, just to the left of the goal. Ruby's uncontested volley was hit over the bar. Great chance that Ruby will usually take well.
The 13s created maybe one or two other quality chances, but Normy was not forced to make a tough save.
Mickey, Payt, Gia, Babes, and Vivi all saw time up top, but we failed to demonstrate enough build up to create a quality shot, let alone a quality chance of our own.
The half ended 0-0.
Halftime talk? I was proud of the girls thus far and the heart they were playing with. I talked about how we've been here a lot in the last 5 games... coming into halftime with a great half of soccer behind us, only to fade a bit in the second half. My challenge to the girls was to put a complete game together.
Tactically, I wanted to see more of the same from them. We talked about achieving our team goal of advancing out of our group in this competition. We then set two stretch goals for the second half. Could we work to get a shot off, could we find a way to score a goal.
Lastly, I asked the girls to make sure to stay tuned in on the 13s corner kicks. In the first half, the 13s had some chances to play quickly on these and catch us off guard, but the 13s could seem to see the opportunities when they arose. I know their coach Andy, and I know he would talk to them about these opportunities at halftime. I wanted to make sure we were aware and focused when the ball went out of play.
Em went into net for the second half.
Second half started out well for us. Mickey (LF) who had been strong and tough on the ball the entire first half, received the ball at midfield and turned to run at the 13 defense. Past one midfielder up the left flank, past her defender, near the endline where her cross attempt was blocked for a corner kick. Some of the girls get on Mickey for not passing the ball enough. I heard some of the girls yelling to her to release the ball on her run, but that wasn't the right thing to say. In a game when we're defending so much, our only time to rest is when we have the ball in possession. Mickey's ability to hold the ball and her explosive run up the field was valuable for us in a game like this. Moreover, she won us a set piece which we're good at :)
B-Money sent a driven corner kick in to the near post area. AJ (GK) was screened a bit due to the mass of bodies in that area, thus she bobbled the ball as she dropped to her knees to catch it at the near post. I saw a mass of light blue (13s) and white (us) shirts, as the ball pinged around, then saw Mickey who had been pushed over in the melee, swing her leg, connect with the loose ball, and drive it home.
The girls went wild, both on the bench with me and on the field. We've got to work on our goal celebrations more.
The joy was short lived however. I had just finished making the notes in my notebook and was setting it aside when I looked up to see a low hard shot being taken by one of the 13 players at the top of our box. Em made a fantastic diving save to her right to deflect the hard shot, but another 13 attacker beat our defenders to the ball to slot home the equalizer. Light blue's turn to go wild.
From a defending aspect, we continued to work to deny the 13s quality chances. They had a few corner kicks (which we were tuned in for!) and a few long, flip throw-ins in our attacking third, but could not threaten as I expected them to do.
Amazed and proud of the girls' efforts and organization on the day.
The ref blew his whistle to end regulation time. Off to 2 x 10 minutes of OT.
Not much to say during the break. I was proud of the girls' performance (I think I said that two them 20 times today) regardless of what the next 20 minutes brought. Go out, enjoy the OT, play hard, stay behind your teammates.
My thougths were a-whirl. The 13s are a better team overall than we were. They would do our club proud at Regionals if they got past either the White team or EP (game was to be played after ours). It would be better for the club and for MN to have them represent the state at the Midwest Region Championships. We were here for the experience. I was silently cheering for the 13s to score a goal. More on this later.
As the overtime progressed, my thoughts went back to my previous State Cup experience.
Back in 2004, I had the current U17 Woodbury Inferno as U12s. We were playing U13 MYSA league, thus qualified for State Cup competition that year. We drew the Bangu Tsunami Stars in our group and got hammered 8-0. We advanced as a wild card and came up against the Wings U13 team in the semifinals. After regulation and OT ended 0-0, we eventually lost in PKs as our 5th shooter (after we made the first 4) hit the post.
In 2006, I had the current U15 MTA 94 Elite Blues as U12s in the same situation - playing U13 league as a U12 team and competing in the U13 State Cup. We didn't advance out of group play that year.
In both instances, the idea was to get the U12s familiar with the State Cup event in order to feel more comfortable in following years when it really counted - as we looked to represent the state as true U13s. It's the same idea as MYSA's ODP program has. Get players comfortable with the out of state ODP camp at the youngest age groups so that the players can perform better in later years in a no-longer-new environment.
In both instances, the teams went on to represent the State at Regionals as U13s. The Inferno have been the state reps for 4 years straight, the MTA group for 2. Both look poised to continue their streaks this year as well.
In 2003, the Bangu Tsunami Stars won the U13 State Cup as U12s and moved on to Regionals playing a year up. I think they were actually competitive there as well.
Last year, the Bangu Tsunami 12s beat the Bangu Tsunami 13s in PKs in the MN State Cup final to advance to Regionals, only to get hammered in all 3 games.
I did not want to put my 12s through that Regional experience. Oh, we might have done OK had we drawn 13 teams from ND, SD, or IA. But put us in a group with most other RII states and we'd be asking a lot for the 12s to be competitive.
That 12 v 13 final last year was played back to back with the U14 final; a final that saw my girls go to PKs against our White team. I remember talking to Andy (the U12 coach) after that game, saying that I wish I would have been with him (and not engrossed in my own game) as I would have likely encouraged him to have his players pass the ball to the GK for their PKs and send the true U13s to Regionals.
I remember discussions with my own team's parents last year after that, and again this year in parent meetings regarding this very subject. When I gave them my yearly plan for the team, a plan that included State Cup participation, some of them asked (knowing what I had said about Andy's 12s last year) if we were going into the State Cup tournament only to throw an eventual deciding match to our 13 Blue team if we got there. I said last fall and again in an early winter parent meeting that if it came down to a controllable moment, I would probably find a way to let the 13s go through over our team.
On the flip side of things, it would be fantastic for me to add another success notch onto my coaching belt if we do happen to pull this game off. If we did AND managed to make it through past our White team or EP in the final, what a benefit it would be to my Skillzys® company to have this group of girls be a tangible testament to the company philosophy. It would be another successful chapter in the book I know I'm going to write about my youth soccer coaching experience.
But helping send the state's most competitive U13 team to represent Minnesota (if they got by the final) was more important to me at that time.
All this ran through my head during the OT period when I wasn't shouting out encouragement and instruction to the players. Part of me was still coaching the girls to play better and eek out a win, part of me was hoping the 13s scored. If we were able to take the game to PKs, I would give the game to the 13s.
And to make a long post longer, like some sick story, that is exactly what came to be, though there was a legit PK call against us in the dying seconds of the second OT that the ref should have blown. Man, that would have been a Godsend as things turned out if the 13s got that call and converted the spot kick to avoid heading into PKs.
Final whistle indicating the end of OT and on to PKs. I walked out to the middle of the field and brought the girls in. Some of the 13s were jumping around hugging each other because the game was going into PKs and they have done very well in situations like this prior. To me it was more of a show though. Many of their eyes told me that they were not as sure about things as their outward expressions lent to. My girls were giggling nervously and smiling and I remember the intense feeling the day was in our grasp.
I told them I was so proud of their efforts, but I wanted them to step up and pass the ball to the U13 GK when it was their turn to shoot. Shocked looks and gasps of "What?!?!" greeted that instruction. I tried to explain that we were here for the experience, an experience that we earned and would benefit from, and now we were going to let the 13s move on to the final against either the Whites or EP.
I asked the girls who wanted to take the kicks, and nine hands went up. They were all a little nervous, but giggling. I picked 5 at random, turned my back and walked over to the bench to sit down. Payt (dead tired after giving it her all on the field) saw the 5 shooters and made a comment like "You are letting so-and-so shoot?!?!? Not so-and-so?!?!?" I told the girls on the bench what was happening, and the utter dismay (especially in Payt's eyes) was heart breaking.
It's nearly 20 hours later and it's all a blur.
I had a sick feeling in my stomach. Pissed off that we were in this situation, pissed off that the 13s couldn't find a way to beat us, pissed off that I even wanted the 13s to beat us, pissed off at betraying my girls (I'm sure that's how some of them saw this) who had played their butts off for 90 minutes.
I think Babes stepped up first for us. Apparently there was a coin toss that I missed and we were going to shoot first. She passed the ball to a surely surprised AJ in goal and turned back to jog sheepishly back to her waiting teammates. There were a lot of people around the field. The next semifinal was scheduled to kick off right after ours and others were there to take in the game.
The silence was deafening. I felt the sun on my face, brushed a tic off my lower leg, and listened to the highway traffic on I94. I don't think I'll forget that moment for a long time. I knew I had spent the last year talking myself into a huge mistake.
The first 13 stepped up and Normy (back in goal for the PKs) made a save. At that moment I gave serious contemplation to yelling out for the girls to go for goal, but I didn't. Someone stepped up for us and rolled the ball to AJ again. If people didn't know what was going on after Babes, our most powerful shooter, happened to somehow be so nervous that her shot barely managed to reach the goal on our first try, they knew what was going on now. The silence got silenter, though broke by a smattering of cheers from a few 13 girls who, caught up in the moment and with no idea what was going on, somehow couldn't contain their glee at their good fortune of having our first two shooters "miss".
I think the 13s scored on their second shot, we passed in our third, they hit the crossbar on their third, we passed in our fourth, they scored to end the game.
The 13s were celebratory, not helping the negative feelings many, if not all the 12s were feeling. But I couldn't blame them. I made a choice, my girls followed the lead of their coach and did what I asked them to do, now I'd need to deal with the consequences of my actions.
It was an obvious roller coaster for the girls. Fighting through a hard game, knowing that they were exceeding even the loftiest of our collective expectations, only to be asked to bow out at the end. I couldn't expect them to understand. Heck, I wasn't sure I even understood everything. I did what I did with the thought of our club and MN soccer, but didn't even come close to gauging the reactions of my own players. But I had talked myself into this decision for a year, and felt that I'd stick to my guns.
I kept the girls around for a good deal of time after the game to try and explain my reasoning. I think the group on the field after OT was in shock when I told them about what I wanted to do, but now the reality was sinking in.
Girls share a collective brain sometimes. I'll ask a question at training and they'll all answer same ridiculous answer. Same sort of thing happened in our team talk after the game. Seemed like things were OK, still needed addressing but players seemed OK, then I started talking to them in a group and one girl became teary-eyed. Next second, 12 girls are shedding tears, some pulling their headgear down over their eyes in apparent despair.
I tried to stress that the way the game ended should in no way take away from the performance the team showed in the 90 minutes prior. That fell on deaf ears, understandably. Some of the girls questioned if another team would do the same for us next year if we were in a similar position, some girls commented that even though we played hard, the 13s were a better team. That was countered by comments that the game should have decided which team was better on the day. That struck home.
What did I just do? I took the decision out of the girls' hands and dictated a controllable ending to a match against the spirit of competition and of the game itself. Albeit I still stand behind the rationale used in this case, I'm thinking again it was not the right way to deal with the situation. It would have been helpful to have a club coach or director around to bounce this idea off of prior to acting it out.
I'm not sure how long we sat there and talked. Felt like an hour though it was probably like 20 minutes. I just couldn't get through to some of the girls and it was breaking my heart. The look of disappointment and betrayal that some of them held in their eyes was crushing to me. I was so frustrated with the whole thing that I accidentally said "Some of you are going to be poutty and b-i-t-c-h-y to me because of this, but I hope you understand my thought process." I've never used that language with a youth team before, though I'm sure they've heard far worse. The b-word broke the ice, eliciting chuckles from almost every girl, but I still regretted the slip. And regret was already building about other things.
Looking at it now, we should have played the game out. Not saying we would have won, regardless of my positive feelings towards the shootout, but in the spirit of the game and of the competition. If we had won, the 13s would have learned some life lessons in defeat. I thought I was thinking bigger picture, but I should have been thinking even bigger picture.
Though many other MTA coaches and directors were supportive later that afternoon to my face, we'll see what the next days bring. I thought it was the right decision to make at the time (and for the entire last year), I take full responsibility for any repercussions, and through this writing that is always insightful and constructive to me, I'm starting to regret the choice.
* * * * *
Headed home to hug my daughter. In a daze most of the night. Didn't feel much like eating. Sent an email to my parent group, don't know how it was received:
Guys,
Just some thoughts about today.
It was my decision to have the girls "tank" the PKs today, not the clubs. It broke my heart to see some of the reactions this brought out in the girls and I'm sorry to have put them through it. It's been bugging me since the game and will continue to gnaw at me for a long time down the road.
To me, State Cup is about sending the best team at our age group to represent our state at Regionals. Taking nothing away from our girls, my belief is that the 13s would do a better at this than our group would in June.
The girls put together a valiant performance today. I was so proud of their efforts on the field, and I believe the girls knew they had played up to and beyond anyone's expectations. I didn't play to lose the game. I didn't sit back and have our girls in a defensive formation and I rotated players in relatively "normal" positions, positions in which I feel they help the team the most. If we beat the 13s in regulation or OT, we would beat them in the field of play and move on. When we got to PKs, I made a choice at a controllable moment to bow the team out.
I tried to stress to the girls that what happened at the end of the game shouldn't erase or negate their performance of the 90 minutes prior. However, understandably this fell on some deaf ears following the game.
I've said all along that we are in the MN State Cup for experience this year. Some might think that the experience the team may have gotten at Regionals would have been beneficial as well, but I don't think the benefit to our team would have outweighed the benefit to our club and our State if the true 13s went through.
Undoubtedly some of the girls and some of you are angry about this decision. I appreciate the zero emails and phone calls thus far as our Parent Code of Conduct suggests a 24 hour buffer prior to coach-bashing. I know you all write checks and pay me to take care of this team, and this decision can be looked at as not putting the team first. All I can say is that I will continue to talk to the girls about this this week at training and at the games, think there are valuable lessons to be learned here, and I ask for your support in helping explain things to them. I believe I did the right thing from a bigger picture perspective here, but will be second guessing myself for a long time.
I don't really know how some of you feel about all this, so make sure to connect with me with thoughts if you feel the need. Again, I will talk to the girls about this this week and I apologize that some of them left the field likely feeling confused, hurt, betrayed, etc.
Schedule for the Week
Monday - Optional Training @ McM 7PM - 8:30PM (Note the later starting time from now on at McM)
Tuesday - Game vs Sibley 8:30PM @ Bielenberg (blue/white/blue)
Wednesday - Training @ McM 7PM - 8:30PM
Thursday - Game vs Mahtomedi 5:30PM
See people tomorrow or Tuesday.
Stood in the shower until the hot water ran out, then hit the hay with my iPod and Coldplay.
Skipped breakfast and lunch today with no appetite, and spent the last 5 hours typing down my thoughts.
I've been hesitant to check the local soccer blog. Sure there is a lot of hate being typed.
Prepared to deal with any/all repercussions. It was my call.
Been in contact with some club officials and the mood is not very good. Though I did what I did for the benefit of the club as a whole, I understand how it is damaging. If the club feels the need to distance themselves from my actions for the good of the program, I'll live with it. If I need to face disciplinary actions, I'll live with it. If I need to contemplate stepping down from working with this team, I'll live with it. If it's the parents' wish that I should step down and for the club to place another coach in place, I'll live with it. Maybe it's time for me to step away from youth coaching anyway. It's all getting so wearing. Extremely enjoyable, but wearing.
Just as important to me though are my damaged relationships with some of my girls. I hope time can heal any wounds and those wounds don't run too deep, but I can't be sure. It was for sure one of the lowest points of my youth soccer coaching career.
I plan to address this issue again this week with the girls. We have an optional training session tonight. We'll see how many parents bring their players to training. We have a league game tomorrow, then an official training session on Wed. I'm going to call for a parent meeting on Wed to chat with the group.
I would love to go for a little time travel ride in a DeLorean specially outfitted with a flux capacitor right about now.
Reader Comments (23)
You probably don't know me and that is ok. I'm the mother of 3l boys who are all way older now, but young men who enjoyed watching you play back in the day with the Thunder.
But I did want to commend your decision during the PK's. It had to be a tough one though and showed a lot of charractor. I not sure if I agree with it, but coming from your perspective, from last year I can see how you made it. I respect that you did what you said. Many have problems actually doing what they say. I hope you don't get too much grief over it and wish you luck!
Pat Robson
Just Dirty Play. Coached by a win at any cost mentatlity coaches.
I challenge you Mark Abboud to post this. Or i will post it on the StarTribune site
I would like to comment on your actions regarding the game. As a player of the sport for the last 27 years of my life on a regular basis, I feel as though I have to say your actions where not an honorable thing to do to the sport itself. What most Americans do not understand is the sport of soccer is one that carries extreme sportsmanship & manners. This is why I am sure you will receive support from several American parents or “Soccer mom & dads”. What I mean by this, is there are certain levels of understanding and better judgment to the respect and honor of the game. By you doing what you did, you completely dishonored the game of soccer. I would never ask a team to "lay down" under any circumstances in the sport of soccer. From time to time a voluntary kick out bounds for a injured player may be performed out of respect for the fallen player, but to voluntarily toss a match....sick!!! Why did you not ask these girls to toss the match in OT? What made the PK situation so unique? Do you not have faith in your girls to perform at the next level? You state you where so upset about the previous years loss, that you did not want to go through that situation again. Very selfish act sir. This same notion rings true in any sport. You do not "lay down" for anything or anyone. These poor kids did the right thing may I add, by following along with your selfish wishes at the spur of the moment, no matter how much they may have disagreed. I feel as though you really should be suspended from league play. When it comes to firing...I do not believe this warrants a firing, again it does warrant a suspension. We are directly speaking about a matter of ethics here IMO. Ethically, laying down is not right. Please understand I Am very heated and sick to my stomach about this. This is why I warrant such string words. I respect the game and am constantly defending it to casual fans. Please learn from this and carry it forward.
If you feel strongly about this, I encourage you to approach our Executive Board. I guarantee they will look into any allegations of this nature.
As I've said many time already, I'm perfectly content with any disciplinary actions that are handed my way.
And I for sure will learn from this (I hope many, many others do as well) and carry it forward, as you say.
1) Just because people have a different opinion than you does not make them "haters" - sometimes a different view can help us grow in ways we might not have imagined.
2) Just a thought for discussion - you say you wanted the best team to go on in the tournament - in soccer, in the Superbowl, in the Final Four , in the Olympics - who is to say who is best? It comes down to who is the best on that particular day at that particular time.
3) I am praying for God's blessing on you and that you will come to peace over this circumstance. What's done is done. We all make mistakes, yet God promises He will renew us morning by morning. Tomorrow is a new day for you - make the most of this precious gift of life and the fantastic opportunities you have in this great country to grow, and learn, and make a positive contribution to the world around you!
It will be interesting to see what MTA decides. You silently wished your opponent would win and when they didn't, you made your players throw the game. You owe them an apology and a resignation. My son plays in MTA and had you been coaching him, I'd pull him out unless MTA assigned a new coach.
You can't fix it by blogging your excuses. You fix it by giving your team a new coach so they can learn the game.
Sincerely,
Rich
1) Agreed. I don't classify someone as a "hater" just because they differ in opinion from me. I classify a hater as someone who actively works and acts out (verbally or physically) against players' right to seek out alternate development options outside of their local club, who treats players like possessions and hinders movement due to a resulting weakened club team, club, or lighter pocket book, or who does have a differing opinion from me and chooses to be over aggressive or derogatory towards me. Does that make sense?
With that said, I used the term when I started this blog, in a time in my life that I was very emotional about the Bangu program I was running. Times change, people grow, maybe I need to revisit the "haters" disclaimer on the front page.
2) I know that now. It was not my right to dictate the outcome of the game.
3) I'm not a very spiritual person, but will take what you said to heart :)
I was alerted this afternoon to the article in the Tribune by my Google alerts.
I carefully read the article and the over 100 comments in the Tribune blog..
Then I received your email, and I also read your blog.
You did what you thought was right. There are obviously many who disagree with your decision, and some "righteous" people who demand retribution, but there are also many who know you who will be understanding and supportive.
On principle, I also disagree with your decision, but I understand that you had to listen to your heart and abide by what you see is best.You were obviously guided, not by selfish self-glorifying motives, but by your understanding of what was best for the kids, the game and the competition. I salute your heart's decision, your second thoughts and your regrets and I know that you will try your best to make amends to those who were hurt or chagrined by your decision
No matter what the gathering clouds will bring, you have done your part in explaining what factors prompted your decision, and you have the fortitude and strength of character to shoulder the consequences. No matter what these are, you will continue to stand tall because you gave the players and the game your best. And those who have never made mistakes in their lives can continue to throw stones at you.
Needless to say that I am proud of you and of all what you have done for youth soccer and for the kids in your many years of service. We are all in the school of life, and we all learn best from the mistakes we commit.
Love you,
your proud Dad
I feel for the EP kids and the MTA U13 White kids who had to witness the shootout prior to their own semifinal game. I'm sure it was a distraction. I did send an email to your coach and asked him to forward it out. Though he and I have had our differences, I think he's a man that will honor that request. I think if parents from your group are looking for and explanation, I guess this post is what I can offer. Maybe it can help serve as a conversation starter.
As far as how this decision affected (or is it effected) the other teams in our group, all I can say is that I keep discovering more and more people that this decision impacted. I need to write a few more apology letters...
Thanks for your comments.
You're saying I owe my team an apology and a resignation, or my club? I think you mean my team.
You can track them down if you wish and ask them what I've apologized for. Or, you can trust what I write here....
I've had group and individual conversations with my girls and apologized for the following:
1. That I took the outcome of the game out of their hands
2. That I did not believe in them enough to think that they'd be competitive with our club's top U13 team
3. That I used the "b" word in frustration after the game in front of them
4. That I instructed 4 girls to walk up to the penalty spot and pass the ball to the opposing GK, making each one of those girls feel like complete fools in front of hundreds of people
5. That I left our own GK on her own, feeling like she was the only girl on the team left to save the game
6. That my actions might leave them without a coach for the rest of the season
7. That I put thought of the club's well-being before the thought of the girls and before the thought of the game
8. That I robbed them of either an unbelievable win or a memorable loss
I think there were a few more things as well.
As for trying to fix this mess by blogging excuses, don't people use excuses when they are trying to get out of something? I'm not trying to get out of anything. I've accepted full responsibility here. I don't think I've been writing excuses, but rather explanations of how I came to the decision I did.
As for fixing it by giving my team a new coach, I would venture to guess that the bond that exists between every single girl on my team and me is something that doesn't exist yet for your son with his MTA coach. I don't say that in a bad way at all, for coaching girls is different than coaching boys. With girls, the strength of the relationship between the coach and the players plays as large a role in the success of the team as the actual coaching does, though I think I'm pretty decent at teaching the game also.
With that said though, if any one of these families wanted to be released to go play with another club, or if it was the wish of the parent group that the club replaced me with someone more qualified, I would have no problem with either decision.
Thanks for your comments.
As to the decision, my goodness, what a tough call. Having witnessed countless games and seen teams win games they had no business winning, I can certainly understand your thought process. More importantly, there is a win-at-all-cost mentality pervading youth soccer which is being curbed somewhat by the Academy League. I tell my kids that I care about three things: preparation, effort and attitude because they really can't affect the outcome and quite frankly, while I'm happy when they win, I'm far more proud of the three items above.
For those who are questioning your integrity, I honestly believe that they need to find a different word. Honesty and sincerity come to mind regarding your decision and I don't think that could be more transparent. And, the integrity with which you've exposed yourself and your willingness to be accountable are all very admirable traits.
I tell my kids that my job as a parent is to not to make them happy but to teach them to be good (and, of course, goodness will bring a far deeper happiness). While I am still wrestling with the circumstance, I can honestly say that I think you are trying to teach goodness.
Wishing for the best out of this to you, Mark.
Todd Kuramoto
I'm not sure if banning play up in State Cup is possible as I believe the tournament is open to all registered MYSA U13 teams. If MYSA banned play ups in league play however, this would stop U12 teams from participating in State Cup.
I don't think they would consider banning multiple teams in the event, and I don't think that would even be allowed by US Youth Soccer. We're not the only club that had multiple teams compete this year, and not the only club that produces multiple higher level (Prem and C1) at one age group who want to compete in the event. I think many teams come to the event not necessarily in hopes of winning it, but rather to play good local competition early in the summer season.
I have not heard of any other games being compromised.
I can't argue about the new competitive heights that we're seeing in this sport.
If you were concerned about what would happen to your team if you won that game, you should not have played it in the first place. Seriously, why did you even show up that day? The whole thing just reeks - no coach should have that type of control over his/her team. The girls' families pay for them to play competitive soccer, and the girls are there to live the experience. It is NOT all about YOU and your experience as Den Father. Your job is to enable the girls to play, not to play yourself.
If your games are decided by methods like this, what do you think your wins mean?? Nothing...Hollow Achievements, all of them.