Constructive Criticism vs Fluffy Comments- Trusting Other People's Opinions

Trusting Other People's Opinions- Gee You're Such A Slob  

When they're little, these girls are often so perfect, and they delight in everyone's telling them so.  They're so well behaved, they're so cute, they're so helpful, and they're so precocious.  Girls learn to trust people's estimates of them.  "Gee, everyone's so nice to me; if they criticize me, it must be true."  Even females at the top universities in the country say that other people's opinions are a good way to know their abilities.
Boys are constantly being scolded and punished.  When we observed in grade school classrooms, we saw that boys got eight times more criticism than girls for their conduct.  Boys are also constantly calling each other slobs and morons.  The evaluations lose a lot of their power.
A male friend once called me a slob.  He was over to dinner at my house and, while we were eating, I dripped some food on my blouse.  "That's because you're such a slob," he said.  I was shocked.  It was then that I realized that no on had ever said anything like that to me.  Males say it to each other all the time.  It may not be a kind thing to say, even in jest, but it certainly makes them think twice before buying into other people's evaluations.
Even when women reach the pinnacle of success, other people's attitudes can get them.  Frances Conley is one of the most eminent neurosurgeons in the world.  In fact, she was the first woman ever given tenure in a neurosurgery at an American medical school.  Yet careless comments from male colleagues-even assistants- could fill her with self-doubt.  One day during surgery, a man condescendingly called her "honey."  Instead of returning the compliment, she questioned herself.  "Is a honey," she wondered, "especially this honey, good enough and talented enough to do this operation?"
-From Carol S Dweck's book Mindset- The New Psychology of Success

These passages struck me about how people receive critical comments.  This is not something that just pertains to girls or kids.  Nobody likes to be criticized, but it is impossible to avoid criticism and attempt to do great things.  It comes with the territory.  The key is how do you deal with being criticized.  

So I wanted to do something that deals with getting the girls to think twice when they receive criticism.  In their journals I am going to have them make a section for when they receive criticism (constructive or not) or just general negative comments.  (Please don't just limit this journal to soccer)  They will write down:
 
1) What was the comment?
2) Was it constructive or fluffy?  (I am using fluffy instead of useless because it is hard to say "fluffy" in a serious way.  "Fluffy" will make it easier to shake off a negative comment for the simple reason that when you say "Oh that was just fluffy!", you can't help but smile.) 
3) If it was constructive, what message can you take out of the comment?
4) Can you improve and how can you improve?
 
Example 1:
1) After I made a poor pass Ronaldo glared at me and yelled that I need to make a better pass.
2) It was constructive, though not nice, because the pass was not accurate and I could have made a better pass. 
3) I made a bad pass and Ronaldo expects a better pass from me because I am a good player.
4) I can improve.  My toe was down when I passed the ball.  I can spend 5 minutes before each training working on my passing.
 
Example 2:
1) During our scrimmage Taylor was on the other team and after a collision with her she said I stunk.
2) It was fluffy.  She was just upset that I stole the ball.
 
Try it out.  If you can decipher the message out of critical comments and realize which opinions have value you will become a much more confident person.

11-13 Ball Striking- Wall Ball

Why Does Anyone Stay With The Challenge? It's having a dream of what you might do or become with yourself, and inching forward each day toward the realization of that dream.
-Herb Brooks

Today's Ball Striking session was all about wall ball.  If you want to be a good player the wall is your best friend.  It will reward you if you hit the ball right and give it right back to you.  It will remind you that you can do better when you miss hit it by making you move to chase the ball.  It gives constant and consistent feed back. 

I gave the girls a number of challenges using the wall:
1) Inside of the foot volley, let the ball bounce, volley . . . ect how many times can you hit it?
2) Same exercise with laces.  I also challenge them to do left foot only, right foot only, and alternating feet.
3) Take the bounce out.  How many times can you juggle the ball off the wall with no bounce?
4) Add a partner in and alternate.
5) Inside of the foot passes 2 touches- Can you hit the same spot each time?
6) One touch passing- How many can you get in a row? Left foot only, right foot only, alternating.

All of this sounds easy but it is actually very tough because you need every touch to be the same.  Players will find that they are not consistent with the form on every single touch and the wall is a great way to develop that consistency so when you get in a game you will be confident with every touch.

AHA Training 11-10

Millions of items of the outward order are present to my senses which never properly enter into my experience.  Why? Because they have no interest for me. My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those items which I notice shape my mind - without selective interest, experience is an utter chaos.

-Psychologist William James

Over the last two weekends I have spent my Saturdays attempting to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by watching more sporting events in a day than the people who make SportsCenter.  I would start out by waking up for the two early EPL games.  Then I followed that with a couple of hours watching the 7 different college football games that were on various channels.  I would add a afternoon soccer game in and another football game or two.  Then finish off the day watching my favorite college football team, the USC Trojans, play in the prime time night game.

* * * Tangent Thought:
I keep up with all the happenings in the sports world and I had been following the parity in college football through the year.  Coaches saying that the limited number of scholarship players, 85! I believe, has loosened the traditional power-houses grips and it doesn't allow them to stock-pile talent anymore.  I might be a little off here, but if there are 11 players on a football field at a time that would mean that; to have 2 players for every position on offense and defense plus 16 players for special teams, I doubt you need 2 full special teams units, you would need 60 scholarships.  That leaves 25 extra scholarships!  Now those scholarships could be broken down however a coach chooses, either into halves, quarters or other variables so a coach could put some players on partial scholarships.  Again, maybe it is because I am on the outside looking in, but if you can't build a good program where only 70% of the players on scholarships actually play a meaningful role, maybe you should get better at doing your job instead of crying about not being able to have enough good players.

* * * End Tangent

Today I finally got to put my dream of setting a world record aside and get back to training.  We are conducting our Saturday dome sessions at Holy Angles.  We were supposed to be at Corner Kick's new facility, but that will not be completed until sometime in the coming months, hopefully.  With this change in plans we now have 4 teams training on half a field.  For all those college football coaches trying to figure out the math to divide up scholarships that is an 1/8 of a field for each team.  Not a ton of space, but you work with what you have and we are very thankful to be inside instead of out in the cold.

This winter I have decided to try an experiment with the girls.  Players often come to training sessions wondering what they are going to be working that day.  My high school players made a game out of guessing what we would be working on that day.  Each day they hoped for no fitness.  After thinking about it for a couple of seconds I was not so sure if keeping players in the dark about what we were going to be working on was the best way for the kids to come to each session prepared to improve.  So with this in mind I have given the girls the outline of each session that we are doing up through the Holidays.

I realize that not every player will want/care to look at the session outlines, but if even a couple of girls look at what we are going to be doing each session it will cut down on my explanation time for each exercise and it will get the girls playing more.  I am also under the impression that giving the girls the session plans early will allow them to think of ideas and questions ahead of time that can be brought up during the session and it will help them to see how we are progressing and where we are going to end up.

The main theme of our Saturday sessions will revolve around 2v1 play.  I picked this topic because when their are uneven numbers, players have to make choices.  Should I pass?  Dribble?  Fake a pass?  Shoot?  Where do I run?  2v1's is the simplest situation to work out of and they happen all the time in games.  The more we can get our players to think and choose on their own, the better "Soccer Players," not robots, they will be.

I.  Ball Masters

II. 2v1 With Semi Active Defenders

Set up:
Place 3 cones 15 yards apart
Have partners stand 10-15 yards apart

Procedure:
-Start with no defenders:
-When you have the ball dribble and pass the ball to your partner through the cones.
-See how close you can pass it in front of the cones

-Add in Defenders:
-Defenders try to steal the pass, but she must keep one foot touching the cone at all times.
-Challenge yourself to see how close you can pass the ball to the defender
without her stealing it.

Key Points:
-Pass the ball with "Flick" passes.  Outside of the foot, Toe, or inside of the foot with a little flick.  These passes are quick and they don't telegraph when you are passing the ball.
-Don't run straight, make arcing runs.  This will allow you to keep your speed up and adjust to the pass easily.

III. 2v1 With A Wide Goal

Set Up:
45x15 yd grid divided into thirds
3 defenders on the line between the cones

Procedure:
-2 attackers attempt to beat the first defender 2v1 through the first gate.
-If successful, the attackers attempt to beat the second defender.
-If successful again, the attackers try to beat the third defender.
-Defenders must stay on their line.

Key Points:
-There are many ways to beat the defender: Give and Go, Overlap, Through Ball, Dribbling . . . Be creative
-Don't run in straight lines.  Use angled runs.

Make It Competitive:
1 pt if you beat the 1st defender
3 pts if you beat the 1st and 2nd defender
5 pts if you beat all 3 defenders

Variation: Let the defenders come off their line in their zone to defend

IV. 2v1 Fast Attack To Goal

We ended with letting the girls go to goal.  We started them from different spots on the field to give them different looks.

We made it competitive by giving 1pt for a shot on goal and 3pts for a goal.

Ball Striking- Volleys

We should aim to avoid mistakes and the secret is to not be in a hurry.

-Marie Curie

Every Tuesday we are at Corner Kick and we have three stations set up.  One station is working with CKI's SPAT trainer Brad.  For 30 minutes the girls work on core, leg, and upper body strength.  It is a lot of body weight training and it is very good.  We have another station where one of the small fields is used for the kids to play Street Soccer.  This is simply just letting them divide up the teams and play.  The last station is Ball Striking.  This is the one station where we get to work with the girls on different techniques. 

Week 1: Volleys
1) Volley out of their hands:  We have the girls bend down and kick the ball out of their hands.  This teaches them to get over the ball when they are striking it.
2) Throw the ball to yourself and volley it.
3) Coach throws the ball: We give them different angles and different heights with the ball.

Key Points:  Lean over the ball, Lock your ankle, Have your leg motion be parallel with the ground- don't kick upwards, Make good contact- don't try to kill the ball

Futbol Sala- Evaluations- 11/4

Confronted with the hard puzzles, one ten-year-old boy pulled up his chair, rubbed his hands together, smacked his lips, and cried out, "I love a challenge!"  Another, sweating away on these puzzles, looked up with a pleased expression and said with authority, "You know, I was hoping this would be informative!"

What's wrong with them?  I wondered.  I always thought you coped with failure or you didn't cope with failure.  I never thought anyone loved failure.  Were these alien children or were they on to something?

I was determined to understand the kind of mindset that could turn a failure into a gift. 

What did they know?  They knew that human qualities, such as intellectual skills, could be cultivated through effort.  And that's what they were doing- getting smarter.  Not only weren't they discouraged by failure, they didn't even think they were failing.  They thought they were learning.
-Carol S Dweck: Mindset The New Psychology of Success

Futbol Sala, formerly known as futsol, is probably my favorite type of training session.  We get to work with the kids for 30 minutes on skills and ideas, then they play futsol, whoops I mean futbol sala, for 45 minutes.  The sessions are fast paced and the emphasis is on quick foot work and combination play.  My two favorite topics. 

This year Mark will be leading the girls through most of the futbol sala training.  It is great for the girls to get two different coaches to work with.  We encourage the girls to go to camps, do ODP, get extra training because even though I may have been telling them something one way, it may not be clicking for them.  Then they work with another trainer who says it a little differently and they have an Aha! moment.

One of the tricks of being a good coach is being able to explain the same idea in a variety of ways to reach all your players.

Today while Mark was leading the futbol sala I was going to be having 1 on 1 evaluations with the girls. 

"Why would you have evaluations with U12 players?  Just let them play!"  I have heard that before and the reason is because; even though we are giving the girls feedback constantly, (during training, games, and afterwards) sitting down with the players and communicating to them specifically about where they are at now will help them to get to where they want to be.

Notice that I said Where they are at now.  That is the most important thing that I can stress.  As coaches we can tell you what we see now, but the players determine where they will be in the future.  It is all up to the girls how good of a player they want to be.  It is true that most of the time we have a pretty good idea of where players will end up because most of the players will put in about the same amount of effort into their training with us and at home.  But for those few who make soccer their passion and enjoy the challenge of learning, we have no way of telling how far their drive/passion will take them. 

A few weeks ago I asked each girl to send me the answer to the following questions to help me with the evaluations:
1)  What are your ambitions for this year?
2)  What are your goals for next year?
3)  Where do you see yourself in five years?
4)  What are any ideas and suggestions that you have?

The questions were for two reasons.  First the answers help me to see where each girl is coming from in regards to how she views soccer.  Some want to play for fun and some want to play at the top D1 schools in the future.  Second, I want the girls to think about the future.  Goal setting is huge.  If you set goals for yourself you will get more enjoyment out of what you are doing and have a better idea of what you are doing it for.

The evaluations are very detailed and divided into four categories: Technical, Tactical, Psychological, and Physical.  At the bottom we write comments about what we like about their game and how they can improve. 

I wrestled with how I was going to do the evaluations for quite a while.  Should I go over each section in detail?  For the kids who want to play at the top level should I be very honest with them about where they are at right now?  Should I tell them where I think they should be?  Then I had one of those Aha! moments.  But then I realized that it was more of a Well Duh! moment.  It was so simple.  Don't spend the meeting telling the kids all the things they need to work on and leave them feeling like they have sooo much to work on.  Spend the meeting highlighting what I like about them and what makes them stand out.  Then challenge them to continue to work hard and enjoy improving.

While I would like to write that this idea came to me right away and it was obvious I can't.  I almost fell into the trap that a lot of coaches fall into.  "I want my players to be the best they can so I've got to tell them all the time what they need to work on."  It is true that you need to tell your players what they need to improve because if you never correct them and allow them to have bad habits they will not improve.  But where a lot of coaches can go wrong is by focusing on these flaws.  This can leave most players thinking that they are not good.  Of course there are the exceptions to the rules who always want to hear what they need to work on and enjoy that challenge, but even they like to hear what they are doing well.  

In the end I hope that these evaluations will strike a balance between the two ideas.  The evaluation on paper will give them an idea of where I see them in different areas right now, and the meeting will let them know what I like about them and how great they can be.  The goal at the end of the day is to inspire them to be excited to meet the challenge of improving every day.