This weekend Tim was running all the training for us since both Mark and I were out in Las Vegas with the U14's and U15's. I am Eric Singer's assistant on the U15's. It is fantastic having someone like Tim who is energetic and loves coaching so much involved in the Academy. As we expand we will need to find more Coaches like him.
During the U15's first game of the tournament vs La Roca Premier we were really flat. La Roca beat us to every loose ball, won every header, and tackled harder than us. La Roca was a skilled team but we helped them by never pressuring them on defense. We gave them lots of time and we never stepped close to them because we were afraid to get beat. All of these things were not good because one of Singer's main messages to the girls that; no matter what is going on in soccer and in life you should always compete hard.
After the final whistle blew Eric Singer and I discussed what kind of message we should send to the team about what just happened. Eric has never yelled at the girls in the five months that I have been around so maybe this was a time for that approach. We discussed the circumstances surrounding the game:
-We got to our hotel after 11pm the night before and did not get into our rooms until midnight
-We were up at 6am to get to the game
-It was our first game on grass since Disney
-We hadn't dealt with wind in a while
While we were discussing all these factors we kept looking at the factors as excuses because all we wanted was for the girls to play as hard as they could and none of those factors should have deterred us from that goal.
As Eric walked over to where the girls were sitting I wondered what he would do and what he did next was exactly why I wanted to work with him.
In a very calm voice he asked the girls how the game went. They responded that things did not go well. He then had them tell us what they thought did not go well. After they came up with the reasons that I mentioned in the opening paragraph we focused in on the point that we did not play well because we were too afraid to make a mistake. This fear caused us to play hesitant and back out of the play.
He then brought up the fact that
"In life there are going to be times where you are going to suck. You are going to suck beyond belief. I've played soccer for over 20 years and I've had games where I was absolutely awful. I couldn't pass. I couldn't dribble. I couldn't shoot. But there was one thing that I could do well when all the other things were going wrong. I could 'Suck With Style.'
I would not suck because of a lack of effort. I could always play hard on defense, win tackles, win headers, and then keep trying to get better on offense."
After Eric telling the story about him making mistakes he asked each girl on the team "What did you learn about yourself from that game. Not what did we learn as a team, but you as an individual. If each of us learned something then we can move on. If we did not learn anything then we just wasted our time."
For the first minute everyone was silent. Then one of the girls spoke up with a great piece of advice when she said; "I learned that if I make a mistake, I need to not be so hard on myself and be able to move on." That was a great start.
Then two other girls spoke up with good lessons, but then we were met with silence from the other 14 girls on the team. As we looked at them waiting to hear what they had learned we saw the same thing we had seen in the game. We saw the same question running through their heads. "What if I am wrong? What if what I say is not what they are looking for?" So we addressed that issue. We reminded them that all we want is effort. As long as you say something that you believe in you are making progress.
The girls started saying lots of great things like; "I learned I need to trust myself and not doubt my instincts." "I learned that I should take risks."
After each girl had said something Eric wrapped up the talk and reminded the girls that soccer is supposed to be fun and we were going to learn from this and have a great time for the rest of the trip.
I left the game knowing that I had learned a lot in how to deal with a set back on the field from a coaching stand point. Eric was able to get his point across by letting the girls realize what to do instead of him telling them and he did it in a positive way. I'm guessing that if he would have yelled at them, the rest of the morning would have been spent feeling bad and there would have been a cloud over our team. The girls would then have been motivated by the fear of not wanting to get yelled at again and it seems counterintuitive to tell players to play without fear by motivating them with fear. By talking with them and getting them to realize everything, we were able to move on and enjoy the rest of the trip.
Later that afternoon all the lessons that were learned from the morning were showcased and the girls played as hard as they could, they had fun, and we played some really good soccer. The lessons were still resonating on the final day of the tournament when we played So Cal Blues who are one of the very top teams at this age group and the girls battled extremely hard against a very talented team.
On the flight home I couldn't wait until the 12's started up their tournaments. We are only 3 weeks away!