Controlling the SEA
Focus players' energies on what they can control
How many times have you heard, "Well, if the ref had made/hadn't missed that call, we would have surely won the game!" or "That was the worst field we've ever played on! If we got that team on a good field it would have been a different story!" or "That team was so cheap! How could anyone play good soccer against them?". I hear these excuses all the time from parents here in MN and all over the country. Comments like this work towards the team's -E (Negative Energy), are in direct conflict with our No Excuses mantra, and, most importantly, can have detrimental effects on the girls enjoyment of the sport.
With all this said, there are certain things I tell my girls that they have FULL control over (sportsmanship, effort, and attitude).
I use the S.E.A. acronym here.
S - Sportsmanship/Spirit of the Game
Sportsmanship comes from respect; respect for opponents, respect for officials, and respect for the rules and the spirit of the game itself. Without respect, there is no possibility of sportsmanship. Thus, it is important that I teach the girls about this respect and that I lead by example at all times.
I have crystal clear memories of my dad (he coached me from my rec soccer days through high school) on the sidelines of our U12 Rochester Ringers traveling team games, in his loud and penetrating, heavily accented voice complimenting our opponents good play. Hello?!?! Aren't you our coach? Why are you cheering for the other team? His answer to us was simple.
Dad: Would it be fun to play 11v0? (There were no small sided games back in the day, so our U8 rec team played 11v11. You can imagine what that looked like. Very productive.)
The Ringers: Obviously not, duh.
Dad: So you need opponents to make this game fun, correct?
The Ringers: Yes!
Dad: Would it be fun to have 11 4-year olds out there? (Note the Discovery Method here that he always used and that was ingrained in my head throughout my youth)
Kurt Beartch: "Yeah! Because we'd kill em!" Kurt was the team tough guy and resident school bully. I think he's in jail now somewhere.
The Normal Ringers: No, because we'd kill em.
Dad: So not only do you need opponents to make the game fun, you want your opponents to play well and challenge us; force us to play our hardest to win, correct?
The Ringers (even Kurt): Yes!
Dad: So we need to respect our opponents, encourage them to play their best so we are encouraged to play our best and be thankful for their efforts.
The same rational can be applied to why I want the girls to respect the refs and the rules of the game, both of which help ensure a level playing field and a fair contest... most of the time :)
My dad's rhetoric must have absorbed into my something-or-other as I find myself behaving in the same way today. I also get the "Hello?!?!" looks from my girls (and sometimes from the other coach and opposing team players) but by now the girls know my answer to their "Why are you cheering for them?" question.
If the girls can gain this respect for our opponents, for the refs, and for the game itself, good sportsmanship is never far behind. In the hand shake lines after the game, I have my girls say "Thank you!" to our opponents. Thanks for playing, thanks for doing your best, thanks for bringing the best out of me. I also make sure that they shake hands with the referees. I realize that the girls are competitive and no one likes to lose. The post game handshakes are not always heart-felt, but it's the overall idea that I'm trying to get across here. Hopefully over time the girls will come to realize this.
Aside from the competitiveness of the girls, sour post-game feelings after a loss are many times exacerbated by parental pressures, so it is important that I try and get the parents on the same page here.
Tangent Thought
I think that next year I'm going to try and push a policy change through MYSA at the Annual General Meeting (AGM). Current policy states that parents are on one side of the field, coaches and players on another. I believe, especially at the younger age levels, that parents should have to sit on the same sidelines as their coach and players. This would help in a number of areas.
We'll see if I can find a way to make this happen. At the very least, to get people thinking about it and aware.
End Tangent Thought
Just because I focus on sportsmanship doesn't mean that I don't want to win games. It simply means that I don't emphasize winning as the penultimate goal.
E - Effort/Energy/Enthusiasm
There is no excuse for lack of effort on a team that I coach. Not only is it something that young players can completely control, but also a lack of effort works against the sense of team culture, the "this is how we do things here" vibe that I work hard to build and surround my teams with.
In order for players to give full effort and energy in all aspects of our team function, they must first grasp the concept that it is OK to try and fail (see Failure Is An Option). In fact, I constantly reiterate to the girls that it is far better to try and fail rather than simply not trying at all. Cliche, I know, but an important concept for soccer and for life.
Effort is contagious. One player's hard work to keep a ball in play, make a desperation tackle to save a likely goal, or sprint 40 yards up the field to give a teammate support is not lost on the girls at this age. Hard work on the field by one individual, in games or in training, helps elevate the performance of the entire team.
Earlier this year in Virginia, we opened up the event by playing a Hockessin team from Delaware. We didn't play nearly up to our usual standards and fell behind 2-0 at halftime. The girls had been playing nervous and tentative as this was our first competitive game of the spring season and the build up to this trip was extensive this past winter.
At the break, I spoke to the girls about trying to forget about the score, the poor field conditions, the apparent partially blind ref, and focus on their effort in the second half. If nothing else, our goal was to leave the field knowing that we fought tooth and nail for 30 minutes and gave everything we could on the field.
For the first 5 minutes of the second half, Ripper (playing Point) must have gone into 3 or 4 50/50 tackles that found her flat on her butt a few times. I could see that she was pissed off when she lost the ball, and she would recover hard to try and make another play on it. Sometimes if the ball stayed in her area after the tackle she would bounce back up quickly to do what she could to win possession of the ball. The other girls saw this effort and the overall intensity of our team picked up a few notches.
When Ripper came off the field 10 minutes later, we were still down 2-0. I know how competitive this girl is and fully expected a pouting "I hate you!" stare as I knew she wanted to play and try and help her team win. However, she had a light in her eyes and a huge grin on her face. "That was fun!" was all she said. "What was fun?" I asked her. "Working hard, fighting for the ball, that kinda stuff!?" I had never expected to get this kind of reaction from someone like her at a similar stage (us losing) in a game, but the smile helped reinforce in my mind that the continued focus on elements that the girls have under their control will be key to their overall enjoyment of the sport.
A - Attitude
Winston Churchill said that "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference." The idea I try to get across to the girls here is that a positive attitude, even in the face of adversity, will lead to a more enjoyable experience with this sport (and in life). It's cliche, but you can't change what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.
Players with positive attitudes, or A+ players, are natural leaders. They are more calm and confident in stressful situations because their attitudes help them find positives in the adversity. Other tentative players in similar situations look to their teammates for help and are instinctually drawn to those who show little fear nor hesitation.
This attitude works hand in hand with confidence levels, allowing A+ players to take more risks in competitive situations without fear of the consequences of their mistakes (how the look in the eyes of their teammates/coaches/parents).
A+ players are also more fun to be around as they are very supportive of their teammates. A+ players control the way they talk and interact with their teammates, win or lose, as opposed to players with poor attitudes who tend to get on their teammates when they or their teammates under perform.
Kids can change from having poor attitudes to becoming an A+ player, and the first and most important concept from them to learn when looking to make this shift is that they have control over their reactions to situations.
* * * * *
People may claim that there are many other things under a player's control regarding a soccer match, from pre-game nutrition to the time the player arrives on site. However, many of these things are really controlled by the adults involved, not by the young players.
If coaches/parents are focused on game/tournament results, it is easy to set the players up for failure. Now certain kinds of failure are OK and needed (see Failure Is An Option), but constant pressure from adults in game situations sets the kids up for a feeling of failure that is not OK. Why? Because when all is said and done, we are not in control of our game results. We do not control the calls the ref makes, we do not control the field or weather conditions, we do not control how the other team players. How can we expect our kids to always succeed in situations in which there are so many variables? It's just not possible. If it was, what fun would it be to play the games?
If we can focus on and succeed in these controllable issues, the girls will be long-term winners no matter what the end result is of a single game/tournament.