Coaching U50 Coed

Coaching U13 girls really means coaching U50 coed, and coaching U50 coed sometimes means coaching U04

Just once I'd like to arrive at the team check in of a major tournament, have the helpful volunteer greeting coaches ask me what age team I coach in order to be able to point me to the correct check in line, and then respond "U50 Coed". U15 Coed? I don't think we have a coed division at the U15 age group, but let me check with our Tournament Director. One moment please, sir.

I have a lot of respect for my current parent group. They are a very supportive and encouraging group, and they have made a lot of sacrifices to allow their girls to play on this team over the years. My following comments do not pertain to my parent group in particular, but rather stem from my experiences over the past years with parent groups of teams that I’ve worked with, be it directly as a head coach or indirectly as another team in the club I’ve worked with.

This simple fact of the matter is that once a coach commits to coaching a group of young players, managing/leading the parents comes with the territory. One cannot be a successful coach at the younger age levels without possessing both the needed skills to work with the players and the interpersonal skills to deal with the adults. All the work a coach does throughout the year to build the team’s +E (positive energy) and positive team culture can be washed away in a flood by the actions of the parent group. Parents and players go hand in hand at the younger age levels, and it is imperative that coaches at these levels understand this and are best prepared to deal with it.

From my experience, the level of parental interest and involvement in the team itself is directly proportional to the level the team competes at. Meaning that I’ve seen more parental issues on Premier teams than I have on Classic 3 teams. Not that lower level teams don’t have their share of parental issues, but, in general, higher level teams = more time and financial commitment = more pressure to perform = more of an entitlement feeling from parents into the team’s goings on. To me, this is completely understandable, so I do what I can to make sure the parent group is well informed at all times.

To have success at the high levels of the youth game, it is essential that the parent group buys into a coach's +E philosophy, stands behind decisions the coach makes, supports their kids 100% win or lose, and doesn't give contradicting and confusing information to the girls from the sidelines, in the car, or at home. All this helps build a more relaxing, low-pressure-to-perform environment that will actually help the young players perform better. Let me say that again. Low pressure to perform from the adults equals better performance from the kids.

Like I preach to the players about dwelling on the things they can control (see Controlling the SEA), I need our parents to know that they themselves cannot control how the players play. The "soccer job" of a parent on my team as I see it is to do whatever they can to ensure that their child has a positive life experience through sport. This comes through constant encouragement and support and making sure that their young girl knows she is loved regardless of results or performance on the field of play. Note I said field of play, not field of death. This is a game for the kids and the adults (coaches and parents) need to remember this.

Also, in order to get the most from the girls, in general the parents need to leave the coaching to the coach. I say "in general" here for a number of reasons. If Zinedine Zidane or Thierry Henry had daughters on this team, I would be kinda OK with the soccer instruction these particular girls were receiving at home. Heck, I'd look to set up a carpool with the girls just to hear what dad had to say on the rides to and from the practices/games. I realize that this example is skewed heavily towards one end of the spectrum, but you get my point. I've dealt with some pretty soccer-saavy parents, some of whom have actually played the game at a high level. But, for the majority of parents who may not have even seen a pro game ever, I'd just as soon have them not talk to their daughters about technical and tactical soccer issues. Not only could this information given to the girls sometimes be completely inaccurate, but none of the parents are around the team as much as I am, and none really have any idea of why I'm teaching what in the bigger context of individual and team development. Differing information from two separate adult sources only helps confuse the girls and limits their learning potential. There are obviously some exceptions to the rule here, but again, in general, coaching at the higher levels of the youth game needs to be left to the professionals.

Managing the parent group involves leadership, empathy, salesmanship, understanding, patience, stick-to-it-ness, and communication. In my experience, conflicts between parents and coaches (which go a long way towards boosting a team's -E) usually occur from things that are completely controllable. Here are some suggestions about what a coach can do to minimize conflict.

Run a Democratic Dictatorship

I often tell my parent group that I am not here running a dictatorship. I try to gauge parent sentiment and solicit feedback with regards to many of the major team decisions each year. Though I know many of the parent group put full trust in my soccer decisions and this is a major reason why some of the parents have joined our club (to take the soccer decisions out of parents' hands and put them into the hands of the professionals), I still am interested in what the parents are thinking. This usually makes for more work on my end, but I think the parents appreciate the say they have.

As an example, this spring (2007) we were budgeted to go to Vegas for a tournament. Some of the parents expressed some real concerns about dropping the kids into the Vegas atmosphere. At that point, could I have just said "Our club is sending a bunch of teams to Vegas, we are going with them."? Sure I could have. Would I have pissed some families off who would have probably still sent their kids along on the trip? Probably. This would have just opened the door to some resentment, and certain parents who were not for the Vegas trip would have microscopically analyzed every little hiccough associated with this tournament. This would have bred some negativity and for sure carried over to some of the girls, thus infecting and affecting the team's +E.

So I offered up some alternatives and began a lengthy process soliciting feedback from parents, weighing the pros and cons via email correspondence and face to face discussion, and gathering as much information as I could about the tournament, facilities, competition, etc. In the end, after all the debate, the consensus from the parents was to let me decide. I chose to have the team attend the Jefferson Cup in Virginia, and I think the parent group was happy to 1) be involved, and 2) to see the effort and work that went in to finding a good event for their daughters.

This is just one example of many that I could cite from this last year. The parents spend the time and money with our program, and I feel that this affords them some say in how things are run.

Bombard Them With Information

I stay in weekly contact with the parent group via email. Some emails are short, simply listing our schedule for the week, others are more lengthy, with thoughts about the girls/team, about a tournament weekend, or explaining a course of action that I recommend. I think the parents appreciate the effort in keeping them in the loop and this also helps to increase our +E.

Is there such a thing as too much information? I don't think so. That's why I like email. Parents who are interested in reading the sometimes novella-like emails can, and parents could care less about what I have to say can simply delete it or add me to their SPAM list.

With the higher level players, it becomes more important for a coach to be as upfront as possible with the parent group regarding a number of issues early in the season. Actually, I'd say that ideally, both players and parents know what they are getting into BEFORE the commit to a high level team. This means having all your ducks in a row at the time of tryouts. This is not very realistic, I understand that. But the more information you can give early, the better. This information should include:

• a yearly budget
• tournament travel plans
• your goals for the season, your plan for achieving these goals, and the support that you will need from the parent group
• expectations of attendance and the procedures should a player not be able to attend a training session or other event
• coach’s philosophy about playing time discipline
• procedure in the event that a parent has a concern and needs to seek you out
• expectation of parental side line behavior

Another good source of information can come if you conduct individual parent/player/coach conferences during the year to update families on your views of each player’s development.  Not only is this great for the players, but it allows parents an opportunity to ask questions in a one on one setting.

Clear As Mud

Miscommunication or misinterpretation is the root of a great majority of coach/parent issues. We all see things differently and process information through our own unique set of individual filters. It is important for a coach to understand this. It is also important for a coach to understand that miscommunication/misinterpretation is inevitable. The best thing a coach can do is to encourage two-way communication, and make himself/herself available and accessible to the parent group. I use the following statement with my parent group a lot - I don't know what I don't know. I'm not telepathic (though my wife sometimes thinks I am). Unless I know that there is an issue, I cannot possibly hope to deal with it. Knowing that miscommunication and misinterpretation issues are bound to arise can help a coach be more prepared when they do.

The Grapevine Will Hang You

Resist the urge to talk about individual players with other parents who are non-biologically linked to that player. This is tough to do, but something that coaches need to be aware of. Work travels fast in small circles. Enough said.

E.F. Hutton

Remember that 80’s TV commercial, “When E.F. Hutton talks, people listen.” It is important that you treat all your team parents as E.F. Hutton and take the time to listen to their issues regarding the team. Remember, they are interested because they have a child who is involved with you and they have a right to be heard. Most complaints that you’ll get are a result of two main parental desires; the desire to see their child succeed/develop, and their desire to see their child be happy. Understand where they are coming from. They see things through their child’s eyes and put the interests of their child first. This is only natural and is a simple fact of life. You cannot change it, so be prepared to deal with it.

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything that is said, or feel a need to make drastic changes to your system based on a complaint. It is more important that you should a genuine interest in hearing what involved parents have to say. Like it or not, they are part of the “team” and have a right to be heard.

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All the above will help the parents feel more involved with what you are trying to build… a positive team culture. If the parents feel like they are part of this culture, they will be more likely to support it. When the parents fully support the coach and what the coach is trying to do with a group of players, good things will happen.